It was a bright and sun-shiny day. The birds were singing. And an old woman was being robbed.
“Help! HELP!” She called out with her old lady voice, but no one heard, or cared.
The mugger pulled at her purse, but the old woman’s grip was too tight. “Please! Just let go!”
“NO! HELP!” Suddenly, a man descended from the sky and he landed just beside them, arms akimbo. “Thank God you’re here! Please, this man is trying to take my purse!”
“Hm,” said the man and he proceeded the point at the mugger with his index finger like a gun. But instead of bullets, his finger launched a long, bright beam of pure energy.
The mugger screamed and let go of the purse. He held his hand. It was mildly scalded, but still hurt. “Ow!” See?
The man stepped closer to the mugger and said, “piss off.” The mugger ran off in the opposite direction.
“Oh thank you so much! I was worried no one would–” but before she could finish, the man snatched the purse from her. “Um, are you seeing if he took anything? Because I don’t think he did.”
“Sorry ma’am. But you are behind on your payments. As a result, it is my duty to take your purse and other personal items until the debt is paid off. Make sure to provide payment information to the debtor’s website. If you don’t have access to a computer or the internet then too bad.” And the old woman watched as the man proceeded to float back into the air, arms akimbo, with the purse dangling from his wrist.
The man’s name was the Repossessor. He was once an ordinary man, but in order to pay off his debts he donated himself to science. A few experiments later and now he had superpowers which were used for the betterment of mankind, one purse or car at a time. The Repossessor! You might call him a hero, but he’s just doing his job!
“Son of a bitch,” the old woman muttered to herself.
Back at home, the mugger was running his hand under some cold water. “Much better…”
“Son, sonny? Sonny boy,” his father called out from the other room.
“Are we still poor,” his father asked.
“Yup dad.” As soon as he said this, the water stopped. “Welp. They turned off the water again. No more water, I guess. So that’s cool.” He shook his head. He couldn’t wash away the guilt of trying to steal from an old lady. Somebody’s grandmother. He felt like a piece of shit.
“…Son. Sonny? Sonny boy?”
The mugger, who we’ll go ahead and call Franklin, sighed. He walked into the living room where his father was sitting, drinking some sour milk. Don’t know why I decided to add that detail, but there we go.
“Son. Sonny? Sonny boy?”
His father turned up to him. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Yeah…I hope so…I hope so…”
“Want to see what I have in the basement?”
“Come on! We’ll make it a thing. Come on!” His father, whose name was Gus, led his son down into the basement whose walls were lined with servers, wires, equipment, and other electronics. “You know that project I have been working on?”
“Well, here it is!” The two of them stood in the center of the basement. Franklin looked around and shrugged. “Oh, right. Forgot to reveal what’s behind this curtain!” He pulled away the curtain at the back end of the basement, revealing something that was quite peculiar. Franklin moved in closer with caution.
“What is it?”
“Why, it’s a robot!”
Franklin eyed the incomprehensible pile of metal and lights that laid against the wall. “Okay…”
Gus smiled with anticipation. “So…isn’t it great!”
“Um, yeah dad…look, I’m going to send out 500 applications tonight. Maybe I’ll finally get an interview…”
“Bah,” Gus exclaimed. “Just bah! You don’t need a job! Not with this!”
“I’m sorry, dad, but I just don’t see how this will help us.”
“That’s because…I haven’t turned it on yet!”
Franklin didn’t get it, but watching his father getting giddy like a child was somewhat inspiring. Gus waddled over to the pile and after some tinkering, the parts stirred to life. Suddenly, the parts and pieces assembled into a robotic humanoid. It hummed and buzzed and glowed with life. “Oh! Almost forgot!” Gus placed a black beret on the top of the robot’s head.
“Wow. I mean, it’s cool. But I still don’t understand…you want to sell him?”
“No, no! Don’t be ridiculous! What you’re looking at here, is the town’s greatest thief!”
Spetch was an ordinary French bank robber with the ability of running slightly faster than most. Until, one day, he was dragged behind a horse for his crimes. His situation was dire until a savvy old man decided to place his brain into a machine-body. That’s when he became…Spetch! The town’s greatest thief! Watch out, ya stupid Americans!
“Beep-boop, stupid Americans,” Spetch said with a robotic monotone.
Meanwhile, Larry was at the bank. That’s it. Well, if you want to know why, it was because he now had less than 0 money in his account, and he desired to know the reason. He stood in the long queue.
“I need to take out another loan,” the old woman from before was at the teller’s window.
“Sure, can I ask what this loan is for,” Todd the teller asked.
“I need to pay off my other loan. You see, it’s been tough ever since my husband passed-on. The medical bills and–”
“No worries! We are here to help! Please sign here. 13.2% interest rate. Good, now sign here. You don’t need to read that. Aaaand we’re good! Thank you for trusting Best Money Bank for all your financial needs. Next!”
Larry waited and waited. Finally, he approached the window.
“Why hello Larry,” Todd greeted him. Todd, if you recall from the first episode, helped Larry take down Spetch. Following those events, Todd’s makeshift stand soon became the only bank in town. Now he had an actual building and was filled with pride. “How can we help you?”
“Um, so I checked my balance and it says I’ve been zeroed out. Is there any way to check if my account has been hacked or something?”
Todd grinned. “Oh yes, Larry. Let me just–” he proceeded to slap his fingers on his keyboard. “Okay. So it looks like you weren’t hacked, so that’s good!”
“Okay…so how do I have no money now?”
“Well we had to charge you a minimum balance fee. Next!”
“Okay, wait. I’m sorry? What’s that?”
“Well, if your account balance falls below the minimum threshold then we charge you $25.”
“So…now I have no money?”
“Well, you now have a sub-optimal balance it seems.”
Larry looked around. “Okay, look. Can you help me out? Please?” Larry didn’t like to beg, and he didn’t want to use the time he helped Todd out, but he was desperate.
Todd thought for a moment. “I’m sorry, but this is our protocol. I have to treat you just as I treat everyone else. You see, consistency is a major pillar of good customer service!”
“Right. Right…” But just as Larry was about to leave, the plate glass door to the bank shattered. Everyone stared as a large robotic person stepped onto the shards.
“Um, excuse me, sir,” Todd said to the robot. “That’s a bit much.” However, Todd lost his professional demeanour when he noticed the black beret resting on the robot’s head. “My God…”
“Gimme. Your. Money. Yankee scum,” declared Spetch as he stomped slowly into the bank. Everyone started to panic. Larry ran and crawled underneath a table. The security guard didn’t even try.
Todd stood frozen. “I…I can’t believe it’s happening again…I thought he was gone for good…”
Meanwhile, Franklin and Gus were just outside the bank, not-so-discreetly hiding behind a trash receptacle. “Dad, I don’t think this is going to work.”
“What do you mean? Look at him! He’s kicking all sorts of ass! Did you see what he did to that door?”
“Yeah, hard not to notice…but how are we going to escape?”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ve got an Uber ride coming.”
Inside, Spetch marched over to Todd. “Where. Is. The. Money? Americans.” But Todd couldn’t speak. He started to shake as the robot towered over him. Larry watched from underneath the table. This is where he started having an internal debate:
“You have to do something!”
“Because Spetch can’t get away with this!”
“It looks like he can.”
“You and your sarcasm! Look at you, cowering underneath a table!”
“I don’t see how this is my responsibility. I do so much shit for this town, but get nothing in return.”
“So? What if that was the only reason people did anything good?”
Spetch proceeded to pound on Todd’s keyboard. But before the keyboard could be completely destroyed, a voice rang out.
“Halt there, property-destroyer!” The Repossessor stood where the entrance once was. Spetch slowly turned his metallic head.
“No,” Spetch responded and returned to killing the keyboard as the traumatized teller watched in horror.
“Fine. I will deal with you later,” the Repossessor declared as his heroic stare laid on Larry. “You! I am here for your leg!”
Larry wasn’t paying attention, still stuck in his solipsistic debate. “What?”
“You have failed to pay your debt. Now, let us make this easy: provide me your leg, citizen, and I will be on my way.”
“Please help,” Todd pleaded to the Repossessor. Spetch tossed the keyboard over Todd’s head. “HELP!”
Just to ramp things up, a couple of squad cars appeared in front of the bank. A couple of cops got out. “Oh shit.” Franklin and Gus tried to hide a little bit better behind the trash receptacle.
“What we got here?”
“Welp. Looks Spetch is back in town. That’s no good. And we got the Repossessor on scene.”
“Well, I guess I gots to leave then.”
“Well, you see, I’ve got a lot of debt I’ve accrued.”
“Ah. Comes to think of it, I’ve got a lot of debt too.”
The two officers nodded to each other and left the scene. Gus wiped the sweat from his brow. “Those pigs nearly got us.”
“Dad…this is getting to be too much,” Franklin said, but Gus ignored him.
Meanwhile, Larry unlatched his mechanical leg and the Repossessor grabbed it with ease. “Thank you for your compliance, citizen. When everyone follows the rules, we all become heroes.”
Larry didn’t know what he meant.
“Now…” The Repossessor turned and shoved Spetch who fell to the floor. “I have come to repossess this bank.”
Todd was confused. “I’m sorry?”
“You are behind on your payments. Therefore, this bank is no longer yours. Please vacate the premises.”
“What? No…I–I was going to pay. It’s just been tough! This is not fair!”
“Ha…Ha…” Spetch laughed. However, with his new robotic body he was unable to stand-up, rolling on his backside in perpetual struggle. “Get me…up…” Then Spetch’s lights started to fade, and his voice slowed: “stupid…ameri…cans…” until it final fell into a soft, metallic hum, and Spetch’s body stopped moving.
At this point, Gus and Franklin realized their plan failed and they ran off.
“Hey, um, Repossessor?” Larry asked from underneath his table. “Since you have my leg, can you fly me home?”
The Repossessor turned around. “No,” and turned back to Todd. “Now sir, let’s make this easy on yourselves. I know this is difficult news, but you knew this was going to happen. So there are no excuses. I will give you 5 seconds for you and everyone else to leave.”
Todd cast his eyes down. “Fine,” he said, “fine…I guess I have no other choice. I thought I was providing a service, helping my community, just like you…” as he said he grabbed his backpack. “My purpose…”
“I apologize, citizen. Now, please, move along, or–” but before he could finish, the Repossessor fell down. Everyone was startled. Larry squinted and looked up at Todd, a handgun shaking in his grip.
As soon as they heard the gunshot, Gus and Franklin fled. Police soon swarmed the bank and Todd and Spetch were taken into custody. But, fortunately, The Repossessor was not dead. A bullet to the head was not enough to deter him though he was unconscious for some time. And Larry kept his leg, for now. However, he still had less than no money.
As Larry walked back home he thought about what he should do and what he can do. Then he started feeling very, very depressed. “Hello Larry…” Larry turned around.
“Oh, it’s you…” Larry sighed as he saw a man with a red tie, suit, and sunglasses standing there with a smirk. Larry remembered this guy, he had offered to help Carl the Cowboy survive his coma if Larry assassinated the mayor. “You know,” Larry said. “Whatever proposition you have, I’m not interested. I don’t want to sell my soul for rent money. And besides, Carl ended-up waking-up regardless of you so I don’t even think what you do or don’t do matters.” Did I mention Carl, at this point, was out of the hospital and about? No? Okay.
The mysterious fellow nodded and smiled. “Oh Larry,” he said. “How do you think Carl was able to survive?” Interesting thing to note was that Carl was awake for a while before the mysterious man noticed, so he was lying and hoping Larry didn’t know this.
“What do you mean? I didn’t kill the mayor.”
“No…no you did not. And that’s okay. That’s okay. We decided that Carl was more useful awake than as a vegetable. And we also decided that working with you would be beneficial for all of us.”
“Yeah, okay. Whatever. Look, I’ve got to go–”
“What if I told you that you can keep your apartment…forever?”
Larry stopped. He knew it was too good to be true. There had to be a catch. “Alright. What would I have to do?”
The mysterious man rubbed his red tie as he devilishly smirked.