“Don’t worry, Morton, it’s a simple procedure. And non-invasive too!”
“Um…alright. But, it just seems kind of big.” Morton pointed to the c-clamp that was as large as a baby elephant.
“Yes, it is quite big.” The doctor nodded. Silence permeated between the two. “Oh! You were wondering about the logistics! Well, that’s what I have my partner for!”
“Um, Sydney!” The doctor called-out. That’s when one of the walls of the doctor’s office opened-up and an immense, spindly red man crawled into the office like a spider that lost control of its limbs.
“Yesss sirrrr?” The red man said with a smile.
“Hello Sydney, today is your lucky day. Morton here needs a procedure performed on him.”
The red man’s eyes glistened beneath the fluorescent lights. The red man clawed for the c-clamp and shifted slowly towards Morton.
“Wait! Wait! I don’t get it!”
“Don’t be silly, Morton,” the doctor said. “As I explained before, we are just going to delicately clamp your head and leave a modest amount of pressure on your temples for fifteen minutes and–”
“But how is this supposed to cure my depression?”
The doctor thought for a moment. “Wait, you said depression?”
“Oh. I thought you said measles.” The doctor motioned Sydney back to his chamber. Sydney let out a sigh as he dropped the clamp and then disappeared behind the door. “Poor guy. It’s really the only thing he looks forward since the divorce.”
“So…” Morton said.
“Oh, right! Yeah, there’s no cure for that.”
“I mean, there’s pills and therapy and stuff. And plenty of people get good treatment out of that. The key is finding what works for you which…is a lifelong process sometimes. But then again, maybe the clamp–”
“No. I think I’m good. I’ll try the pills and the therapy…or whatever…” Morton left the office feeling…somewhat better. But the words reverberated: “a lifelong process…” He knew the doctor was right, but maybe he should have given the clamp a chance. Maybe that would have worked for him. But it was too late as he walked back to his car and back to the solitude of home.